ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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