you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
