Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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