I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think my moral compass just broke
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
