I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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