You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
