I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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