Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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