ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
