I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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