just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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