every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
