ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
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I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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