I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How does one acquire holy water?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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