Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
