its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize