eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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