Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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