My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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