I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
