boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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