And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
