and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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