i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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