I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize