i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
