This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
