Sponge bath it is.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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