and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
