Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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