We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
