Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
