The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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