This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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