kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
