like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
