the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
