I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
