If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
