I heard we made out
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
