Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
