I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
