So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
