We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
