They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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