hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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