you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
