But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
