That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize