I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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