Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
