I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
