We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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