Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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