I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
