its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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