I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
