we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
