we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
