Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
