Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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