watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
